Don’t be surprised! Jordan is one of these countries that if you are a woman and did not marry before the age of 25; panic attacks start hitting your family and specifically your mother, and they start doing their best to change this status to married so that they can finally rest and breathe that they did what they were supposed to do.

So what happens if you hit the critical age of 25 and you are still single? From my experience; it is quite a change. I will tell you here about some of the things that will start taking place; they start very shyly but then they become aggressive in nature and you can no longer ignore them.

Suddenly; your mother wants to take you with her to any social call she is making, even if you don’t know the people or you don’t have anything in common with them; your mom will do her best to show you around to her friends and relatives and will go on and on about how successful you are, smart, obedient and how you would make a great wife and mother.

When you go to wedding parties, women will salute you and say in a low tone: By God's will; next time it will be your turn!! When will they learn that this is not a nice wish? It is as if saying we hope that one day you will get married as if this is the ultimate achievement in life!

As years go by and there is no courageous knight to come on his white horse and sweep you off your feet; the panic becomes terror and your family can no longer hide their fear from you; you will see it and feel it in everything they do or say; you do your best to reassure that you are ok with it, but still they don’t want to leave you behind alone in this world; which is something I understand especially in our society, because you will not be left alone, and every man in your family would feel that he has the right to be your custodian no matter how old you are or what social status you have; as long as you are still single; you don’t have the right to control your own life.

The big disaster takes place when your younger sister is being courted or proposed to. Your parents fall in a dilemma of traditional convictions that the younger must not marry before the elder. They don’t want to hurt the elder's feelings and lessen her chances in getting a good husband, and at the same time, they don’t want to stand in the way of the happiness of the younger. I really feel sorry for these parents; as they keep thinking of their daughters and they keep repeating the famous Arabic saying: "ham el banat le el mamat", which means that worry about daughters, keep haunting you till you die.

They start giving up when their daughter hits the 30's and she is still unmarried; and they start thinking of alternative solutions to make her life livable. They start giving her more privileges; she can stay out later than before, she can travel sometimes, and all the time they are hoping that one day; she will get married.

What is really sad about this, is that the community treats a woman of such status as if there is something wrong with her, or assuming that she is not good enough to marry one of the great guys out there. Assumptions about her past and morals start becoming the gossip of town, some would say that they heard she had lots of boyfriends in the past, and that’s why no one wants her, or that she would give any man a hard time because she is demanding, or that she is arrogant and snobbish, and many other creative stories about the reason that she is still not belonging to a man!

The most tragic thing is that when married men start proposing to her to become their second wife, assuming that she is past the age of marriage; she will definitely compromise and she should thank God that some man even thought of marrying her, as if he is doing her a favor. Some men would think that such a woman is easier to get and nail because she is desperate, and that she would be grateful if they gave her the time of the day.

No one assumes that she might be happy just the way things are, and the fact that she did not marry till now makes her insist on not compromising when it comes to the man she will spend her life with. If he did not bring something good in her life to add value; then why should she accept it? Why would she complicate her life?

Those who fall in the trap that the community designs for them, make it easier for people to believe all the bad assumptions about this woman.

Sad truth is; a woman does not get the respect she deserves unless she belonged to a man under the name of marriage. Rare are those women who can make it in our culture and survive all these setbacks. However; the fear will always be there, she will be perceived as a less of a woman and she will be treated with pity!

I have always believed that it is wrong to marry for the fear of not being married; marriage is a sacred bond that should be formed between two people who want and choose to spend their lives together because they found real happiness in this unity. I believe that I will marry someone because I love him and I will not love someone because I will marry him; if you think about it; you will find that it makes a lot of sense; if only they understand and leave us the heck alone; if we marry or don’t marry; that affects only us, so save yourselves the headache of following up on our lives that do not concern you!

There comes a time in our lives when we feel that we can make it on our own, and that we can face the world alone, to experience independency in its most glorious forms. It's a nice dream that keeps tickling our imagination, but the reality hits it hard in the guts reminding us that we are in the Middle East.

We come in life and don’t choose our families or even names. Even the decision of conceiving us is one that is taken by someone else; i.e. our parents. We are born to a strange environment; we get out of a world that was ours to a world that controls us through every aspect of it.

We grow up and get used to being told what to wear, what to do, what to eat and the list keeps going one and on.

We start school and we are directed towards something that others draw for us, and more often that not; it seems that we are there to make someone else's dream come true.

We live in the taboo culture; don’t do this and don’t do that. It reminds me of Bart Simpson when he used to say: you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don’t; nothing seems to please the community or the people, and at the same time you are not allowed to simply ignore them and do what you like; you live among people and you have to mingle and fit in.

We walk towards a future that was drawn for us; we are nothing but a part of a master plan that was designed by others, and everyone seems to know what is best for us but us. If they want to teach you responsibility; they introduce you to house chores and baby sitting your little sister, and if they want to teach you about discipline; they introduce you to punishment techniques they have creatively invented.

You graduate thinking that it is my time to rule the world now, and I have the ability to be on my own and take life and challenge it. You have this short dream to be stopped by a shocking reality that you are not free yet; you are still in custody!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful to the great people that brought us to the world and helped us live up to this point, but care can suffocate you; literally.

The only thing that we don’t learn from our families, schools, universities, society, etc. is being accountable and independent. A lot of us don’t even know what the word accountability means, and independency means starting a family of your own.

The everlasting problem that we keep facing over and over; is that we don’t gradually learn about independency and accountability; rather we are thrown in the middle of the fire and are expected not to get burned. We are faced with a lot of new things to learn and cope with all of a sudden, and unless you are prepared for this, it will take you a lifetime and maybe never to reach where you are supposed to be.

When does the custody ever stop? Why can't we be on our own when we are still in the learning phase to grasp knowledge and appreciate it bit by bit? Why aren't we allowed to explore life on our own? Why aren't we given the power of choice? Why don’t they teach us to make decisions and take responsibility for them?

What happens in our society is that the parents make your decisions for you, and choose your life direction, your education, and your profession and sometimes even your life partner. It is worse when you are a woman, because you are stuck with this custody till you are turned over to another type of custody; your papers are transferred from your father to your husband, and there must always be a custodian; you cannot take care of yourself; because you are a woman!

If you are a woman, you need protection; you can't make it on your own; you need a man to be your keeper and to be responsible for you.

When are we going to be set free? Set us free for God's sake; set us free and let us be people of opinion who own the power to choose and claim responsibility for our decisions; set us free to expose the wonderful people we can be. It is becoming boring and quite humiliating the way we are kept and transferred from one custodian to another; like you; we have brains and we will be accountable in front of God at the end, so why can't you accept that we be accountable now?  

Memoirs of a Geisha; one of the best books I have ever read in my whole life, and I assure that I have read a lot of books. The author was like an artist painting picture after picture of magnificent characters and events, forming a story that not only gave an insight to a beautiful culture like Japan's, but also it was a documentation of history of an era that a whole country survived in unity and admirable dedication to patriotism.

From the first page of this novel, I got completely lost in the story and character of Chio or Sayuri at a later stage. Her childhood dreams and innocence were hijacked from her with cruelty, she was forced to grow up way too soon, and her intelligence and rare beauty were her only aids in many parts of her life.

Before I read this story; like most of the westerners or maybe the rest of the world; I thought that a geisha is a courtesan that sells her body by becoming every man's fascination and dream; I couldn't have been more wrong!

It turned out that a geisha's life is a lot harder than I imagined in my wildest dreams; she is not allowed to choose anything in her life; all the major choices and life altering decisions are made for her by the Okea (house that keeps her) and by her elder sister who is bonded to her for life. She is not allowed to love or dream of a future; if she was lucky enough, she would get a good man for a Danna (protector).

I have to admit that I had very high expectations about the movie, and probably like all novels that turned into Hollywood movies; there is a certain degree of disappointment involved. Despite that; I think that the movie was very successful in capturing the most important stages in this little girl's life, with some slight changes here and there, because if they wanted to capture every single detail; they might have come up with 3 series movies at least.

I am glad that I have read the book before watching the movie, because I know the real story and it adds to the fun to see it captured and real people performing the very same events that fascinated me while reading the novel.

I would recommend that you go watch the movie whether you read the novel or not, but if you have already started reading the novel or at least planning to; wait till you have read this wonderful story of culture, a country and a part of Japanese beauty; geisha.

On a side note; this is my post # 100, YAY!

I hope you enjoyed the ride as much as I did, and I assure that there is plenty where the first 100 came from so stay tuned.  

I think that by now, almost everyone had heard or read something about this work that created a lot of conflict in the Saudi community, and maybe in the region at large; I am referring to the novel "Banat Al Riyadh" for Raja'a Abdullah Al Sane'.

I have tried to pick up this book from our bookstores in town, but it was no where to be found, and it seems that the banning that was forced on it in Saudi has extended to reach the freedom that our own bookshelves enjoys most of the time.

After all my attempts to find this book failed, I resorted to the only left method; purchasing it online and finally got the book through "Adab wa Fan".

Before turning the cover to start my journey with a new book, I took a look at the back and read a nice comment by Ghazi Al Quseibi, and I said to myself: if such a great writer of our time gives such a comment on this book, it must be good and worth reading.

I started reading and the pages kept turning; and I found myself fascinated by the author's writing style that kept flowing, till I realized that I finished the 319 pages in one day literally. I really could not let the book down and was so into the characters, lived their turmoil and tragedies, was happy for their happiness and felt sorry for them at times.

The book is a collection of emails that the author started sending to an email group. She used to send an email every Friday and then sitting back and enjoying the reaction that included discussions in workplaces, some newspaper columns, some magazine articles and a lot of hate mail to the author herself.

The author succeeded in exposing the insider edition of what really goes on in the closed community that the heroines lived in. The four friends presented different models of modern Saudi women who are struggling in a society that insists on pushing the woman backwards, and I have to say that I admire and respect all these women that are truly out there fighting to induce change and make significant difference.

Some might argue that this is not a true representation of Saudi community or women for that matter, and this might have some truth to it, however; we cannot deny that these models do exist and not only in Saudi, but also in the Arab world as a whole.

Reading the stories of these 4 magnificent girls made me really happy that I live in a country that succeeded in liberating its communities enough to make us lead successful careers and create an opportunity for us to become independent, and when the man becomes a part of our lives, we have the ability to become interdependent with him, for that; we are truly lucky.

As I was reading the stories and following up on the events; I kept remembering the other famous four friends who were completely different in personalities, yet they shared a wonderful relationship and their friendship was stronger than men and time itself. Of course I am talking about Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte; the main characters in the very popular show; "Sex and the City"

I really recommend that you grab this book and read it; if not to get an internal view of these ladies' closed lives, read it to get a feel of the author's great writing that promises her with a bright future should she decide to pursue it, and promises us with good reading material that is highly needed in our world of today.   

Continued …

She sat there in the darkness of her suddenly cold room, she hugged herself and stared in the nothing around her; what has just happened? Did she just get dumped, and over the phone? Why didn't he wait to talk to her face to face? Is it shame of what he was going to do to her? Or is just lack of courtesy? Was he that much of a jerk?

What was she feeling?

She could not define the feelings that she was having. It seemed like a ton of emotions were fighting inside her small heart; hurt, shock, pain, loss, rejection, anger and deep sorrow. She was getting dizzy with all the turmoil inside her soul and for a brief moment she wished that it was just a nightmare, but being the realistic person she was, she knew that she was not imagining things and that there is a new reality forcing itself on her world; he left her for another woman!

She did not care if that woman was more beautiful or more intelligent or more exciting or more whatever; all she thought about was that if he had really loved her like he said he did; all the women on earth would not have made a difference to him.

She tried not to think, she did not want to be reactive, she is not like that and she didn't see any point of taking any action now. If she decided to fight for her love, was it going to be worth it? She would be fighting him because he is the one saying that he does not love her any more; the other lady is just his way out; actually; it does not really matter if he really loved that other woman or not as that’s beside the point, the point is; he was able to leave her, he took his time to think and decide not even considering for a minute to make her feel that he is withdrawing, he kept his old self the same and that’s why she did not see it coming.

She was numb. Days and nights passed by and she did not even try to think about it, she told herself over and over that she must move on, and what does not kill her only makes her stronger, was she stronger? She did not allow herself to experience moments of weakness, she had to find new things to do to fill her empty time. How could he have had time to love someone else when most of his time was with her? She did not want to go there; she did not want to think of him any more.

Some days were smooth, some were heavy and slow; moving on is not as easy as it seems, it needs a lot of changes and the most important thing about these changes is moving away from anything that reminds you of what you are moving on from. She is doing that but he isn't; why does he keep calling her? She does not answer his calls and yet he keeps calling. She thought about changing her number but then decided not to; she has nothing to run away from and she will not allow him to affect her life after he chose to exit from it.

Calls were not enough; short messages, emails and any available communication method; he used them all with no response from her, till that day many months later, when she found him standing in the doorway of her office; her reaction was not what he expected; it was obvious that he did not find what he was looking for in her eyes. The passionate look he was used to see in her eyes was replaced by a cold empty one. His eyes were searching for something familiar about her, but he could not find it.

She got up from her desk, shook his extended hand with a poker face expression on her face. He could not tell what she was feeling.

How are you, he said.

I am fine thank you, she said.

Why don’t you answer my calls and messages? He asked.

I have nothing to say to you, she said.

I have a lot to say to you, he said.

Really? Like what? She asked.

I wanted to say that I am so sorry, he said.

Aha, she said.

And that I was a fool and a jerk, he said.

….

I have hurt the most beautiful and kindest person that ever came in my life, I hate myself for hurting you, he said.

….

You are the best thing that ever happened to me, he said.

She was silent and has the same empty look in her eyes and saying nothing.

You are the only woman I have ever loved, he said.

She looked at him raising her brows.

I know that I have no right to say these things to you now, and that I have screwed up, he said, I am a fool and a jerk and still love you.

….

She did not mean anything to me, he said, I thought I loved her but when I lost you, I realized that you are the one for me, can you forgive me?

….

How can I ever make it up to you? He asked, I have tried to reach you many times to tell you that …

Is this some kind of a game to you? She said, one day you love her and the other you love me?

No, I love you, he said, I never loved her …

You loved her enough to leave me, she said, and now you leave her for me? What makes you think that you can do that? Or that I will accept this childish behavior?

If you love me, he said, you will not waste our only chance in happiness …

I think I will pass this happiness, she said, you will not find what you are looking for with me; that time also has passed.

What about the love that we had? He asked.

That had no value for you a few months ago, she said, I would be a fool to hold on to something of no value, you should know me better.

I want you in my life, he said, I need you, even if as a friend.

I don’t need you, she said, I wish you luck in finding what you are looking for.

You are killing me with your words, he said, please don’t kill the hope and the happiness that we can have together, I love you, don’t you get it?

What I get, she said, is that you never loved me, you loved yourself with me, you loved how I made you feel about yourself, you loved what you were when we were together, and when I was no longer there, you missed the feeling and you came back looking for it. Once you have that feeling, I will be a friend material allover again and you will be on your way looking for another love or wife material. What makes you think I will allow that to happen? All these months; I prevented myself from thinking and wondering about why you did it, only now I know why, and you know what? I am finally free of you …

She stood up and left the room with a smile on her face … it's good to be free!!

If only we say what we mean … and mean what we say!!

She sat there … trying to busy herself with anything … waiting really can kill you; that’s what she was thinking. He said that he was going to call; he told her that he will be going out with his friends and once he is home; he was going to call her no matter what the time was; he said: don’t sleep because I want to talk to you!

She was staring at the TV screen but was not seeing what was on; her mind was elsewhere. She was thinking; what does he want to talk about? In the years I have known him, he never insisted on anything like that, so it must be very important and I am getting worried cause it is getting late; I wonder what is keeping him … maybe he is still out with his friends; I will wait for a while longer.

She remembered when they were friends at the beginning of this relationship; they used to talk for hours; he would talk about all his problems and she would listen carefully to give him good advice. She was always conservative in talking about her problems because she did not want to burden him more; he has enough on his mind, she thought. They talked about almost everything; the communication between them was fun and easy, she could listen to him forever. They used to laugh and joke and even sing together.

They knew each other so well, she thought. She was happy that she has such a good friend when one day he decided to change that; he told her that he can't imagine his life without her and that he is thinking of her all the time. He said she was beautiful and fun; he never felt this way about anyone before.

She knew where this was heading and she tried to tell him that she was afraid of it. He told her not to worry and to let herself go with her feelings. She told him she was not ready for a relationship and that they should not rush. He said he loved her, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She remembered how that felt, when he said he loved her for the first time; she felt her heart sink right to her feet and it was beating so hard; she could hear it in her head. Yet; she was still too afraid to give in and embrace the feeling.

He said that he loved her so many times that she could not resist any more and started letting all her guards down. She knew deep inside that she loved him, but the feeling was terrifying her. She was in love with him and she allowed herself to be taken by the emotions, to be blinded by the passion and she fell into him. She was happy with him, but recently; they were fighting over silly things and she reasoned that it must be his work or his family and she tried to cool things every time there was a fight.

She came back to present tearing herself from her deeper thoughts and memories only to realize that it is past midnight and he still did not call her. Now, she was really worried and decided that she would try calling him just to check if everything was alright with him.

She dialed the number that was carved in her brain and waited. No answer!!

She thought; I hope that he is OK.

She dialed again; he answered with a sleepy voice. She asked if he was asleep; isn't it obvious that I am sleeping? He said.

Did you forget that you asked me to wait for your call? She said.

Oh, that. Sorry, I forgot, he said.

You forgot? You are the one who wanted to talk to me and it sounded very important, and I did not want to call you while you were with your friends; I know how much you hate that. But when I realized how late it was, I was worried and called to check if all is ok. You forgot? Anyway; now that we are talking, what did you want to tell me? She said.

Well, I was thinking lately, he said.

Aha, she said, go on.

Listen, he said, I care about you so much, but I don’t think that you are the right person for me. I thought about this many times and I don’t see you as my wife; I see you as my best friend, but not my wife.

She was trying to say something, but her screams and cries were silent.

Are you there? He asked.

No answer.

I am so sorry, he said, but I can't keep this for myself any longer. You are a great person and a very beautiful woman, but I just can't see us together, I am sorry … please try to understand …

Who is she? She asked

No answer

The least you can do is be honest, she said, you owe me that much.

She is a new girl at the office, he said, I don’t know how it happened, but …

Toot … toot … toot …

Do you ever wonder what a small gesture you make can affect someone else's day or opinion or even life? Do you ever pay attention to the small reactions that your acts induce in others? Have you ever been affected by someone's small gesture?

Today I was going through some of the blogs that I read, and this particular post stopped me and made me read it more than once, and it is really admirable how the author was able to describe the feeling in a very accurate way.

This particular incident that happened to the author of the blog made me think of something similar that happened to me today. I was going through my email with thousands of things on my mind; it almost felt like the load of the whole world was on my shoulders. Don’t you go through similar moments? When you feel like nothing can make you happy and that you are feeling down towards everything around you?

That is exactly how I felt today when I was going through my email inbox and trying to see if there were any messages I needed to answer or some spam I needed to report, and there it was; an unexpected message from a friend, just saying hi and that he is thinking of me.

I could not believe how this simple letter lifted my spirit and made me think of how little can content a human being and make him smile. This very small and nice gesture drew a smile on my face and distracted me from the many serious things I was thinking and worrying about.

Whether the small gesture is an email, a smile, a phone call, SMS or a very simple empty nod; it is certain that it will affect someone and change the direction of their thinking even for a short moment.

I remember when I was watching the movie "Angel Eyes", and when Jennifer Lopez and Jim Caviezel were walking down the street, and he was nodding to people and smiling to them; she asked him how he knew all these people, and he answered that he did not know them. She asked him how he was nodding and smiling to these strangers and his simple answer that it was very easy and that she should try it. Once she did, she said she felt like an idiot but was happy and smiling because she actually made these people smile.

I am not saying that you go around in the street smiling at people, because in Jordan; they will definitely think you are nuts, but for those around you, always remember that the smallest gesture can hold a huge meaning to others and this little effort does not cost you anything or exhaust you, so be generous and extend hope to those who might be in need for a glimpse of it.

When are we going to finally learn that there is no excuse for bad manners whatsoever? Seriously; there is no excuse for bad manners and it is about time we know this and act on it; enough is enough!

I am ranting today about people invading my privacy and forcing themselves on my day without being announced or seeking permission!

I hate it when you barge in my room without knocking no matter who you are to me!

I hate it when you knock and barge in without waiting for me to give you the OK to come in!

I hate it when show up on my doorstep unannounced and expect me to be happy about it!

I hate it when you provide unsolicited advice and expect me to abide by it just because you gave it!

I hate it when you underestimate my intelligence and lie to my face!

I hate it when you give me a missed call and expect me to call you back; I pay my phone bills too!!

I hate it when you don’t say "please" when you ask me for something or a favor; don’t take me for granted!

I hate it when you talk behind my back and bad mouth me; if you have something to say about me; say it to my face if you have the guts; otherwise; shut the heck up!

I hate it when you interrupt me while I am talking; I listen to you and the least you could do is reciprocate!

I hate it when you ogle me and give the disgusted look; if you don’t like my appearance or what I am wearing; turn your eyes the other way and don’t look at me!

I hate it when you stare at me; didn't your mom teach that staring is rude?

I hate it when you don’t watch what you are saying; you might be hurting people more than you can imagine!

I hate it when you borrow something and don’t return it; there is a big difference between borrowing and taking; look it up in the dictionary!

I can go on and end up with a huge list of things I hate and bad manners that people adopt in their daily life. I do my best to be very polite and very diplomatic in my behavior and dealings with others, so how come this is not the norm?

Isn't it from the ABC of raising a child, teaching them good manners and how to treat others? Why do people neglect this extremely important aspect of fitting in community?

In the society I grew up in; I used to see mothers sending their kids out to play with others armed with an attitude; if someone hit you, hit them back! If they call you bad names, do the same! If they give you a nickname mocking something about you, do the same to them!

It is an eye to eye upbringing and what we end up learning is pure bad manners. We start doing it as a self defense technique but without us even realizing, it becomes a part of our personalities and we can't extract it easily.

All our memories from our school days are about how we used to laugh at the teacher behind her back, and what names we used to call her. We did not talk to some of the classmates because we did not like how they looked or appeared. We only hung out with individuals who share the same nature, and we ganged up against others for one reason or another. Some were the school bullies and some were the victims.

You teach your kids good manners and tell them that they should be polite and forgiving, but the problem is that when they are faced with someone who mastered bad manners, and your kids end up being the victims if they don’t take on the same bad manners you were trying to save them from.

It is a community effort and each one of us should start with him/herself. Just remember that there is no excuse for bad manners and there is always a good polite way to do things, and you will be just fine, and others around you will be grateful!

A couple of days ago; I posted about the traditional method of getting married in our culture; to be more specific; I wanted to point out how this method is being abused and how it gives a bad outcome in the end.

I received so many comments from readers who are totally for this method, and some who were against it.

I guess I have to clarify where I stand from this whole thing. If it has always been done this way; it does not mean that it is right or wrong, because as my friend Ohoud commented: it is not a black and white thing.

In the past; bride and groom did not even see each other till the wedding night; and they accepted their fates with open hearts and moved on; had children and lived their lives normally. But let's not forget that the times have truly changed; back in those days; women had to totally cover up when they go out and they were usually escorted by a male figure or an elder female.

As time and cultures evolved; girls were allowed to pursue education and they started going to schools and bit by bit; they did not need to cover up like before which allowed members of community to see them and maybe talk to them.

Despite all this evolution; mothers were dominant when it came to choosing brides for their beloved sons. Some women took this as a profession and they acted as matchmakers or "khatba". They used to go from house to house; showing photos of girls to the mothers men seeking marriage, and for a small fee; she acted as the intermediary between families till the marriage took place.

But time continued to evolve; new habits were being introduced into our closed culture over and over, and that is because we got exposed to western cultures through the occupation that lasted long years and through those who traveled abroad and came back with new visions of the future and started changing things. Mingling became a part of modern society and it was not that taboo to know someone before proposing to her.

The question is: why is this one thing not changing?

It perplexes me how men know many girls and then when it comes to marriage; none of them is good enough. Just how many times we heard the excuse: "if she went out with me, she went out with others and I want someone who never knew anyone other than me." How egocentric and arrogant is that?

OK, so not all men are like that, but what is the percentage of those who are? If the same guys who are open to having a girlfriend choose traditional as their way of getting married, then there is something wrong with the picture, right?

Some argue that there are difficulties meeting girls. Let me assume away that this is true, and the poor guys are not finding Ms. Perfect; not at university, work, gym, clubs, coffee shops, malls, movie theatres, … shall I go on? They can't find someone in all these places and their only hope is picking one from a pile of photos or through the eyes of their mothers. If the men were shy and not out there changing girlfriends like changing mobile phones; I would say: yes, they are right, they are not able to find a good girl because there is not enough choices, but this applies to a very small percentage of men; the majority want it all, they want to have fun and always have a female figure in their lives, and when the times comes and they are ready to tie the knot; it has to be someone who is very pure and does not see any other man in the world but them.

I am not generalizing; I am simply describing a phenomenon that is there and no one can deny that it does exist. So when I say that men and women enter the relationships for the very wrong reasons; this is exactly what I mean; men want fun and women want husbands; the two objectives will never meet.

Traditional method can be a good model but only if it is done right. The comments on my previous posts made me ask myself: am I anti-traditional or anti-marriage altogether?

I will tell you one thing though: I will never marry a guy based on a 2-hour interview; heck you can't even hire someone based on one interview, how about spending the rest of your life with them?

Many of the comments stated: traditional marriages do work most of the time; but are we sure that they do? Check the chat rooms and see for yourself how many married men are seeking discreet relationships with other women because they are not happy and feel that they made a mistake when they married someone they did not know. You would be shocked to learn that these men are willing to have affairs just to feel good about themselves, and when asked why they don’t communicate with their wives; mostly the answer is: she does not understand me.

At the same time; you will find many desperate housewives seeking understanding and intimacy from other men who usually take advantage of their weaknesses and vulnerability, which explains the rates of infidelity that are growing higher in our part of the world. Is this the definition of working marriages? Of course this is not the general rule, but we cannot deny that this is happening.

I'd rather stay single than get caught in a marriage with a husband that feels trapped with me and seeks solace with another woman no matter how innocent their relationship might be.

To all participants in the JP Book Club; we have been contacted by Ms. Laura Haddad; the editor of the prestigious magazine VIVA; please see her comments on my blog and on Ohoud's.

She is kindly extending an invitation to all of us to be part of the VIVA Book Club; isn't that great?

Should you be interested to be a part of this club, please contact Ms. Haddad on her email address; vivaeditor[at]alfaridah[dot]com[dot]jo

Ms. Haddad, thank you for your invitation and kind initiative.

So you are a guy and you are now ready to get married and start a family, and from ALL the girlfriends you had; none was good enough to be your wife; what would you do? What is the next step in your life?

You go to mommy dearest and ask her to find you a bride; she asks you to describe your wife to be, and you start taking her through your preference list or wish list of physical and spiritual characteristics of Mrs. You.

It is your mom's job now to work hard to find you the perfect match and when she does, she shows you the photos of the lucky wifey nominees with you being the only and ultimate judge to pick the finalists.

But let me not be very harsh on you here; you need to really see those nominees and sit with them for an hour or two before you make your mind and give the final verdict. So your mom sets out to work again to get appointments with the families for you to go and pay them a visit which in most cases is a chaperoned short visit.

You start your exhausting mission going from one house to another, trying to figure out which one of them fulfills that maximum number of preferences from the list, and you disqualify some of them and some are kept pending till further notice.

Once you have short listed them to a few or a couple, you may take another visit to make sure that you are on the right track. You keep this on until you finally decide on who the lucky lady is; and you go back to her house; armed with your charm and good reputation, and you make your position stronger by taking family members with you, and you pop the question to the lady and ask her dad for her hand in marriage.

Of course they will be ready for such a request but the cliché has to be performed once and again, and then ladies and gentlemen; I present to you Mr. and Mrs. You!

Can anyone tell me what is wrong with the described scenario? I really don’t believe how men put themselves and others through this, and how they take a life altering decision based on imaginary preferences. How do they know what they want? How can they tell that they ended up with the right match? How do they predict that this will be a successful marriage? Or is it all a game of luck?

We watch the stupid show Joe Millionaire, with a big scam of a handsome guy who does exactly what men are doing; he courts, flirts and dances with the ladies and at the end of each week, he short lists them even more. The game goes on and on till he is down to 2 girls, at which time he needs to give the final verdict as to who the lucky girl is. The difference is that this Joe guy tells the disqualified girls why they were dismissed from the competition, but in the real world, the girls are kept wondering what went wrong and thinking that it is their fault that "3arees el ghafleh" never came back or called.

I know that some of you guys out there would want to attack me for my cynicism about this issue, but it really gets to me how some guys put themselves and others in such a position without any considerations to the harmful consequences that might occur.

You might say that some of these arranged marriages do work in the end, but how confident are we that the relationship is successful or just hanging in there because of the culture, kids or whatever reason there might be? How confident are we that these same men are regretting the way they chose their lifelong partner and wish that time would go back to change things? How confident are we that these couples have common language between them? How confident are we that they are loyal towards each other?

In my opinion; this is a huge risk that both are taking, and please don’t tell me that they will be engaged and can test their feelings and compatibility, because we all know that it never worked and that the engagement period is the time when each of them is at their very best, showing only the good part of things and compiling all the bad things till after marriage. No wonder many couples go through post honeymoon shock or post-wedding depression as it is medically defined.

Newsflash; this is not a game; this is a lifetime commitment that one cannot break without consequences, and it cannot be erased from your life. Maybe it is about time we gave mommy dearest some time off, and married someone that we can talk to and relate to on the long run. The dating game is going so far with the way we lead our lives to the extent that both genders are taking relationships among them way too lightly and entering these relationships for the wrong reasons.

Last month I posted about an article I read in Living Well magazine and how it irritated me that some men are really shallow and see only looks when they see women. I received some good feedback from readers on that post.

I was about to lose hope that we still have a few good men left and that is when VIVA saved the day. Through their corner; VIVALOCAL, they conducted some interviews with real bachelors who give a right definition to the word.

What I liked about this article is that it was concise and to the point. The interviews were not unnecessarily long; they were short and clear leaving no space for confusion in answering them.

Reading through the set of questions; you notice that they are not concentrating on one aspect of characteristics; rather they provide a short comprehensive description of the dream lady for these men. What is even more evident is that these men are describing a lady they would actually marry and spend the rest of their lives with, and not just a girlfriend for the next few months or so if she was lucky.

The interviewed men reflected maturity through their answers and this makes them all the more attractive and eligible if you ask me as who would want to spend her life with a kid?

I found the article to be lighthearted and here is a briefing of the questions that were asked;

1. The guys were asked to give a brief description of their own personalities highlighting the most important traits.
2. They were asked how and where they spend their free time which gives a better idea about who they really are.
3. What are their favorite places to dine out?
4. What is their biggest pet reeve in general?
5. What makes their day?
6. What is the first thing he notices in a woman? (not necessarily physical)
7. They were asked to describe their leading lady from all aspects.
8. What is the best way to meet her?
9. What is their biggest turn off?
10. What makes them melt?
11. What confuses them?
12. They were asked to send out a message to the ladies out there.

These 12 questions revealed how deep and genuine the interviewees are and they gave them a good opportunity to explain to the real ladies out there what men of today are actually looking for in a wife and not just a girlfriend.

My personal favorite of this list was the message that each sent out to the ladies out there; they were heart moving and I am listing them here in case you haven't read the Feb issue of VIVA magazine; I suggest that you go out there and buy it now!

First gentleman's message was: "Life is too short, so enjoy every moment. Try not to get bent out of shape about the small things." This indicates that he is go getter type that makes life easier for those around him; not bad at all!

Second gentleman's message was: "I wish women out there would understand that men are different creatures. When you trim your hair, please don’t get upset when we don’t comment on it. We really just don’t see these things." What this tells me is that he is not looking for the silly shallow type of women who only care about tiny details like this; he is looking for an intellectual lady and lucky she would be.

Third gentleman's message was: "I don’t understand it when women only show you their good side in the beginning, and then they flip. It's better to be consistent." I like this message very much as it shows he is a clear person and seeks the same from his partner; no lies and no scams; it is kind of hard to find such a guy these days.

Fourth gentleman's message was: "If I love someone, then I will accept her as she is, without any modifications. Love is a 'take it or leave it' deal." This one is on the top of my list, because is shows great self confidence that he reflects and that he is secure enough to accept his lady like she is; I wish me one of those really!

Fifth gentleman's message was that he is a 'going all out' type of person and says: "I once moved from the US to Europe for a woman." Who said romance was dead?

Sixth gentleman's message was that he is the 'walking through fire' type of person and says: "I'd do anything for a woman I cared about – with limits, of course! I wouldn't stand under her window and serenade her! I'd need to learn to play the guitar first anyway." A realistic guy with a sense of humor; this is a great combination if you ask me.

Seventh gentleman's message was: "No games please!" and he says: "I don’t like it when women play hard to get; I prefer honesty. There's no time for games." This guy knows what he wants and seeks a lady that knows what she wants in life and in a partner; I wish women appreciate this type a little more!

Eighth gentleman's message was that what gets him is: "Definitely red roses." Again, who said romance was dead?

Ninth and last gentleman's message was: "I'd do absolutely anything for a woman I love. I don’t let go easily." A persistent non-quitter; ah; every woman's dream; a guy who would fight for her!

VIVA, thank you for showing us the other side of the coin and for proving that there is still hope after all for women of strength and intellect to find the right match from our own great Jordanian men, and to all the men who were featured in the article; I wish you the best of luck in finding your dream ladies, and thank you for the good image that we have now about you.  

This morning, I was met by an article in Al-Ghad newspaper stating that a laughter club is being established in Jordan. At a first glance; one would think: there are more important things that we need to address, but come to think of it; this might be indeed what we need the most.

We have been born and brought up in a society that does not support laughter that much and we have always been accused of being uptight and always frowning; sometimes we even believed such claims, and this caused us to eliminate laughter from our daily routine.

An example of this Jordanian phenomenon is the phrase that we repeated over and over by our parents; laughter without reason is a sign of rudeness. Another example is the fact that we repeat the same pray after we laugh hard for any reason; we say: may God send us the blessing of this laughter.

The above examples are a clear sign that we don’t know how to loosen up; we are always uptight and afraid that we might not be taken seriously if we were smiling and laughing most of the time. To an extent; this might be valid in our community, however; how long are we going to continue adopting this epidemic behavior? When will we realize that lack of laughter might be literally killing us slowly?

A while ago; I posted about laughter yoga and I even contacted Dr. Kataria (founder of laughter yoga) and asked him about the possibility of holding such an event in Jordan. The possibility is there but I need people to buy into it in order to make it happen, or have a certain party sponsor such an event; any suggestions?

It is good that we take our lives and works seriously, but the problem is that we are taking ourselves a bit too seriously and maybe it is time to loosen up and instill some laughter here and there; who knows?

For ages; scientists and doctors of medicine lectured us about the importance of laughter and how it can cure some diseases, and now; we have laughter therapy which in my opinion is not less important than any other type of therapy out there, so why are we sill not convinced? And why is it that we still consider laughter as a sign of cultural misconduct?

I find laughter as a real aid in helping me take life in general and I made it a point to get a daily joke in my email or at least have a good light hearted laugh with colleagues, friends and family; trust me; try it and you will love it.

So if you ask me; I think we really need some excitement in our lives, and if this can be achieved by establishing a club for laughter; I say: be it, well done and thank you!

Begin your laughter journey by laughing at yourself and your own mistakes; I have come to learn that this is a sign of maturity and self confidence.  

Tonight was my second JP meeting and my first time at Wild Jordan; both events were full of excitement and joy.

I arrived there a bit before 6:30 to find Nasim, Abdul Aziz and Ibrahim there, and then the others started arriving. We had a special seating area on the second floor, but the only setback if I may call it so, is that we were told by the waiter that in order to enjoy the second floor, there is a minimum charge of JD 5.00 per person, which is totally fine if only we were not sort of forced into it.

The topics discussed this time varied a lot, but they were all focused on the meetings and how they will be arranged for the next times. A suggestion was made to hold the meetings in conference rooms rather than restaurants, or hold meetings on a larger scale to include readers as well as bloggers; both are still in debate.

This meeting was different than the one in December; new faces were introduced in the group and recurring familiar ones. A new face was of our fellow Kuwaiti blogger Abdul Aziz who is known as Exzombie to some of the bloggers in JP. Abdul Aziz is a vibrant active individual and I have enjoyed his company in this meeting a lot; he was among the first to show up and among the last to leave and we have insisted that he attends all the next meetings as well. He is leaving tomorrow for Kuwait to spend his vacation; I wish him a great time and am looking forward for his return to his second home; Jordan.

Some of us took pictures of the evening and I leave you with mine … I wish that all JP members were there, but maybe next time!!!

There was some discussion going on, but really; nice smile Ala'a :)

Abdul Aziz is paying attention to the camera


Another side, Laith took this picture ... Thank you


Abdul Aziz is taking a picture of Laith who was also taking a picture of the group


A shared smile


Laith and Issam are checking out Laith's Digi-cam


I was stopped after I took this picture and was told that no photographing is allowed, seriously people, why not?

Why don’t we know how to count our blessings? Doesn't it strike you time and time again how we don’t really realize how good the situation we are in until it is gone?

Instead of looking at what we have, we look at what we don’t have. Instead of counting the things that we should be thankful for, we count the things that if we had we will be happier or feel better about ourselves or our lives.

I guess that it is true after all that we don’t appreciate something unless it is missing from our lives, and what makes things even more critical is that we miss it more when we see others enjoying it without any effort as if things come to them without them having to work for it.

The irony in this whole thing is that those people might be looking at us and saying to themselves that we are luckier than them because of things that we have and they don’t.

Why can't we just be thankful for what we have? Why don’t we consider ourselves lucky for the things that others consider us lucky for having? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Or is it just our eyes and brains that make us see it so?

You ask a single girl and she says she really dreams and wishes to get married, and when you ask a married lady, she says single girls are lucky for being single and on their own. I guess there is always something to complain about.

It is like we wake up in the morning and think to ourselves: what are we going to complain about today?

Life is a long journey; it takes us places we never dreamed of; some are good and some are not that good, but we get out every time with a new experience or knowledge. Maybe if we looked closer, we would discover that we get out with a blessing as well, but we don’t know how to count them or even recognize them. 

If you want to know what sight is, ask a blind person. If you want to know what hearing is, ask a deaf person. If you want to know what life is, ask someone who had just escaped death.

We have to learn how to be thankful and grateful for what we have and for the people that we love. We should always tell them how much we love them and what they mean to us, because we might never get another chance.

For the past month; we have said, heard and read so many words. We have followed the news on TV, radio, online, newspapers and on all sorts of media that we could get our hands or eyes on. The question is; what now? What is next?

Seriously; we all agreed on certain points and conflicted on others. We heard the opinions of both sides.

It is quite evident that we have a clash of civilizations and no one is able to evaluate the other point of view; simply because each are using their set of standards to weigh the others' actions and reactions, and this technique is doomed to failure; it is like two people are trying to communicate with one speaking Chinese and the other speaking French, they don’t get the other language and they start shouting at each other as if they spoke louder and shouted higher, the other would finally figure out what the words mean.

Having said that and got it out of the way, what are we going to do next?

It is not enough to write about the incident and discuss it within the blogosphere; we really need to reach those who are not getting our messages, I mean; what is the point of sending out a message if it is not reaching its destination?

We are locked behind our screens, expressing our opinions to those who share them with a slight difference in point of views, but the rest of the world is like a boiling pot, and some parties found this as a great opportunity to add wood to the fire to keep the pot in boiling state, and I afraid if no reasonable action is taken; it will eventually reach the explosion and there is no telling what the consequences might be.

What can we do? Is word all what we have? How can we reach the angry crowds and inject some sense into them? How can we reach the other side and show them the real face of us; the educated sophisticated people that want to make a change? How can we do this change?

Since actions speak louder than words; it is really a mind trigger to think about which action is speaking louder here. Is it the negative or positive actions on each side? If you ask me; it is the negative on both sides. I don’t see any positive action being taken in the right direction to solve this global crisis, and it is a chain reaction that will continue to snowball and grow bigger if it is not stopped and prevented from going further.

I have recently taken the course of Certified Project Management from IAPPM (International Association for Project & Program Management) in coordination with Modern Managers Chapter.

This was a very extensive course and the amount of information and skills that I gained are valuable and very useful.

What is great about this particular course is that it is very comprehensive and on a senior level of management.

I had to take a test to be certified and I am telling you; it was not easy. I had to sit there for three hours to answer the questions. The test consists of (88) questions and the trainee must get 75% of the test right in order to pass, i.e. (66) questions and I did it; I passed and am now officially a Certified Project Manager, which means; I can add the acronym to my name wherever I go, ehm ehm.

So I am now; Khalidah El Mufleh, CPM

You can check my name here along with the other successful CPM's.

When the whole world lost you!!

May you rest in peace and may heaven be your home.

The word "Cartoon" will never mean the same to me!! I now hate the word and it makes me sick.

Cartoon was a word that referred to something nice; something that was bound and guaranteed to make us laugh, or at least see the humor part of it that reflects the point of view of the cartoon maker … sometimes we were able to recognize it and sometimes not … but it was always a creative tool to express a point of view or a criticism of some kind.

In our Arab world; we are more used to light comic; those who criticize with the faintest hints that you will comprehend with some intelligence. Only recently; we have started witnessing more creative cartoonists and looking for their work in the daily newspaper was a must for the majority of us.

Who can forget Naji Al Ali and his political caricatures that stand witness to a whole era of our lives? Who doesn't follow the work of Hajjaj in the newspapers and on the official website? Such creative people have become a part of our lives and cultures, and they document history minute by minute.

I believe that each nation has its own Naji or Hajjaj, and they follow their work like we do with ours.

We have been going on an on about the effect that the latest Danish Cartoons are having on the whole world, but we never stopped to ask ourselves why they were drawn in the first place? What was the message they were trying to deliver? Was it worth it?

The effect and turn that things took over the notorious cartoons only proved one thing to me; our emotions lead us and we become angry for the sake of becoming angry. We totally forgot that great leaders like Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) spread Islam with the power of his personality first; his forgiveness and wisdom overcame any dispute or situation he or his followers ever came across.

I include myself despite that I am against the reaction that the majorities are taking, but I am also a Muslim and cannot and will not isolate myself from my brothers and sisters, but I will not be lead into rage and angry reactions without using my brain, my education and my religion.

What should we have learned from our prophet?

We should have learned that Islam came to wash our hearts from the hatred of tribalism and ignorance. We should have learned that when someone does not know, we teach them.

The early followers of Prophet Mohammed learned from him; they observed, they watched, they asked and he lead them by example. Do you remember Omar Bin Al Khattab? Didn't we all read about his bravery and animosity towards Islam before he became a Muslim himslef? Didn't we read the story of his sister when she hid the fact that she became a Muslim because she feared him? Didn't we all follow his history as he became one of the most devoted Muslims of all ages? Didn't we read about the era when he was a caliph? We all read how Islam turned this powerful man into one of the most just and honest people in history, and how he was named Al Farouq because of this.

How many Omars do we have among us? None!

Why didn't Islam turn us into Omars? Because Islam is not to blame; we are.

Why don’t we learn from Omar and try to be more like him? Because we chose to retreat to the roots of ignorance before Islam lightened our way for us. We chose to walk in darkness and we chose to react and lead our lives so very far away from what our dear Prophet had taught us.

All Prophets have been insulted, they all suffered for the sake of their Godly message, they all showed leadership, forgiveness, wisdom and grace. They never hit those who hit them, they never insulted those who insulted them, they never threatened those who defamed them, yet; they were the ones who prevailed in the end.

If we don’t learn from the history of our own Prophet and religion; I don’t know what will make us see the light. 

My dear friend and fellow blogger Ohoud came up with a great idea; starting a book club on Jordan Planet.

The debate has been going on for a couple of weeks now and we have finally settled down on a book for the next couple of weeks. The book is called Crescent by Diana Abu Jaber.

After reading the book, a discussion will be held on Ohoud's blog, and Issam has promised us a dedicated section on JP for this purpose; thank you Issam.

Should anyone be interested to participate, please visit Ohoud's blog here and get the details .. the more; the merrier.

Happy Reading!!

I have been hearing this all my life; that I was different … so what if I was different??

As a young girl, I was neither the beautiful nor the cute; those were my older and younger sisters respectively; I was the smart.

Growing up, I was not the girly girl; I was that nerd who put her study on the top of the priority list. I was not the social creature that mingles in every party; rather I was that one who preferred watching a documentary or reading a book.

I always heard my friends talk about their crushes over the kid next door and every time I thought that they did not know what to do with their time, so they spent it writing letters to each other and standing in the window, just staring at the center of their affection; I thought that was stupid.

In university; I tried to be like the other girls and have a special friend or a boyfriend as they say, but that did not work out. He tried to have exclusivity; meaning: I was not supposed to speak to any other male but him and I thought that was silly, because if he trusted me enough he should not care, right?

After graduation; I indulged myself in my work and my career grew in front of my eyes. Love always took a back seat until I was told by my friends and family that was stiff and I should change.

I thought I should change the way I am thinking about life; the result was that I became lenient and love took a front seat in my life and almost destroyed everything I had worked so hard for.

What is the right way to do things? Is there right or wrong? Why do they keep telling me that I am different if they did not want to appreciate my difference? Why do they always try to change me to give me the right mixture? Is there someone who is confident enough not to judge? Are there people out there who appreciate others' differences and accept and embrace them rather than try to change them?

So what if I am different?

Accept my difference and individuality; that’s a lot better than trying to change who I am and lose me in the process.

Apparently; the heated arguments that we have witnessed on our blogs the past couple of weeks, are not close enough to what has been going on around the global blogosphere. What we have been seeing and/or reading urged me to take a virtual journey around the globe and read for myself what the other side had to say …

Needless to say, the anger and rage was not limited to Muslims only; and they are not all on the same side, trust me when I tell you this. 

Some were just angry that the Muslims got angry, claiming that there are evident contradictions and clear double standard, as how can Islam be a religion of peace and tolerate terrorism or at some extreme point, promote it.

Quoting one of the bloggers: "The followers of Islam say, "Islam is a peaceful religion". But when commenting on the Danish cartoons, they say, "Death to the cartoonist, death to the newspaper, death to the editors, death to Denmark". So much for peaceful." Read more …

Some felt that this is a sort of a payback for something and found it to be an opportunity to deliver a message: "My heart is bursting with an expression of agreement with the cartoon, shouting a big "Yeah!" in reaction against terrorism, and those who fund it, and those who defend it, and those who complicitly avoid talking about it or doing anything about it." Read more …

Some thought that this incident should be a lesson that we all must learn from: "The Great Muhammad Cartoon Scandal has been very educational. One thing it has taught me is that many, many Muslims around the world simply don't have any real understanding of Western culture or the Western mindset.

Many Muslims don't seem to understand that the angrier they get the more we want to continue creating and spreading cartoons. If they laughed at them or ignored them then the 12 original cartoons would have been restricted to Denmark where a few readers of one newspaper would have seen them. Now that protests and riots have spread around the globe the offending cartoons have been reprinted in most European countries and are on countless Internet sites, where they will be available forever.

The effect of their anger has been to spread the images they are angry about. Countless millions have seen what they didn't want anyone to see."

And he adds: "This scandal has driven another nail into the coffin of the myth of the "Moderate Muslim." For years we have been told that most Muslims do not support the fanatics, that the terrorists have "hijacked Islam." So where are these moderate Muslims? They are harder to find than Bigfoot. In fairness I had one Muslim commenter who did not like my cartoons but said he supported my right to post them. But that's one guy." Read more …
 

Another expressed that he was touched by a picture of Muslims praying peacefully more than all the rage expressed by the majorities, and I guess a picture is really worth a thousand words, check what he had to say:

"This one picture of a Muslims in Denmark, gathering to pray, this one touched me more than the ones of screaming, livid Muslims in Palestine. There are so few of them, quiet, and just praying calmly in a public terrace. The angry ones are home, and angry amongst angry buddies.

I wonder how these guys feel." Read more …

I really wanted us to take a deeper look at what the other side is thinking and expressing. Some of the blogs and comments were very hateful that I could not allow myself to quote them.  Read here to get a clearer idea of what I mean(*).

This makes me really wonder; isn't the way we deliver the message is as important as the message itself? Sometimes delivering the right message using the wrong method defeats the purpose and kills the initiative.

Effective communication takes place when the message delivered is exactly equal to the message received, and right now, we need to resort to wisdom and give rage some time off. This is really getting out of control and at some point we have to draw the line.

So when will this end? What would be enough? How long will it take to understand that the whole issue was driven out of proportion? What does it take to make it stop and for the whole world to move on?

Frankly, I wouldn't have heard about these cartoons if they were not turned into such a big deal by those who are mostly against them; us, and millions of people around the world were just like me, so what did we gain by spreading them and the debates about them? You tell me!!

(*) Please note that the post here was very unbiased and not offensive to any party in this dispute, however; some of the comments were of an offensive and hateful nature and that is what I was referring to.
I am obliged to bring this to your attention as part of my blogging integrity :)

Thank you Chad for bringing this to my attention and I apologize for the misrepresentation.

As I was driving home tonight, I thought I saw lightening, but I failed to hear the sound of thunder although I was praying for it inside. I thought I was mistaken when it happened again; it really is lightening.

 

I just took this photo from my room window :)

I might be one of the minorities as I love rain. I feel that it washes our hearts and souls as it does to our lands and skies, and it promises us a prettier tomorrow.

Some would say that winter and rain is depressing, when I see it as quite the opposite. Rain is a gift from God and without it life is just not complete.

I lived out of Jordan for a couple of years and I missed the winter dearly, that when I came back and it rained for the first time, I was so excited that I wanted to stay out to feel the rain, experience it and savor this memory for the next time it rains and I do it again.

I am just glad that it is raining and am enjoying the sound of thunder and raindrops hitting the ground … it is just awesome!!!  

This morning as I was driving to my work, there was some kind of a craze among the drivers along the way. A large number of them shared a common behavior and that is being completely out of control.

I understand that some drivers might be in a rush if they are late for work, but what happened to better late than never?

In almost all countries, big trucks and lorries are not allowed to surf the streets at any time they wished, instead; they have certain hours to drive through the main streets of big cities, and when they are allowed, they are obliged to use the right lane only and there are some penalties if they start using the left lane.

Imagine if we had such rules in our beloved Amman, wouldn't the accidents rate fall considerably? Aren't these Lorries and trucks causing the majority of the accidents?

Those drivers give a bad name to driving; they go through the streets as if they are riding in a sports car and not in a vehicle that weighs a ton and could kill a lot of people if something went wrong.

Another observation is the mini buses. More often than not; these mini buses belong to companies and they hire kids as drivers. These kids' ultimate dream was to be given a chance to drive and they literally act on it; they drive for the sake of driving and not because that’s what they were hired to do.

When is this going to stop? When will the authorities start paying attention to this everlasting problem? When will we start acting on preventing rather than correcting?

Driving has become a dangerous adventure; Amman is very crowded and whether we like it or not, it is the center of businesses and welcomes thousands of workers coming from other areas on daily basis. Needless to say that this alone causes traffic jams and many accidents, but when there are a lot of aiding factors in the negative direction, that’s when something needs to be addressed and quickly.

In the United States; when a driver violates the law; not only they take away his driving license, but he is also forced to perform a number of hours as community service in the government's outlets, and only when his supervisor or parole officer releases him and signs his graduation papers that he is allowed behind the wheel again.

I really would love to suggest this as one of the things that can be done to increase awareness and instill the right concepts about the driving responsibility and accountability in the minds of people here, but I know that it will never work in this part of the world, because is they gained their driver's license through connections in the first place, my guess is that they will be able to get away with anything.

This issue is getting really tragic and boring!

It is no wonder with all this buzz about freedom of speech that we stop for a minute to ask ourselves: what exactly is freedom of speech? Who gets to practice is? What are the restrictions to the rule if any? What governs it and who judges what's ok and what's not?

We have been ranting for some time now about this issue, but no one stopped to ask these questions or answer the unasked questions for that matter.

Many bloggers from the entire world have been busy posting many a time about what resulted of the alleged freedom of speech or expression, but who gets to say what goes and what doesn't? Do we even know?

Some questions come to my mind at this point; is there an international standard that governs freedom of expression? Do all countries recognize it and apply it internally and externally? What happens when freedoms conflict or in this case clash? What is a proper reaction or response and who makes it?

Searching over the net; I came across some interesting definitions of the phrase. Dictionary.com defines it as: "The right to express information, ideas, and opinions free of government restrictions based on content and subject only to reasonable limitations (as the power of the government to avoid a clear and present danger) esp. as guaranteed by the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the U.S. Constitution."

Derechos Human Rights define it as: "Freedom of expression is one of the most fundamental rights that individuals enjoy. It is fundamental to the existence of democracy and the respect of human dignity. It is also one of the most dangerous rights, because freedom of expression means the freedom to express one's discontent with the status quo and the desire to change it. As such, it is one of the most threatened rights, with governments - and even human rights groups - all over the world constantly trying to curtail it."

My favorite Wikipedia defines it as: "Freedom of speech is often regarded as an integral concept in modern liberal democracies, where it is understood to outlaw censorship. Free speech is also supported by international human rights proclamations, notably under Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and Article 10 of the European Convention on Human Rights, although implementation remains lacking in many countries. The right to freedom of expression is not considered unlimited; governments may still prohibit certain damaging types of expressions. Under international law, restrictions on free speech are required to comport with a strict three part test: they must be provided by law; pursue an aim recognized as legitimate; and they must be necessary (i.e., proportionate) for the accomplishment of that aim. Amongst the aims considered legitimate are protection of the rights and reputations of others (prevention of defamation), and the protection of national security and public order, health and morals. Opinions vary widely among people different nations and cultures as to when restriction of free speech meets these criteria."

Going through the different definitions; it is very clear that Freedom of Speech:

1-       Is a human right and it is protected.

2-       Is perceived differently across the world.

3-       Is not unlimited; there are restrictions.

4-       Must not defame anyone.

5-       Must respect the laws

6-       Will be restricted should they aim at destroying anyone's reputation.

The question here is why don’t they take these rules into consideration when they want to practice their right to speak or express their minds? If you mock or ridicule anyone in the west, they can sue you for defamation and harming their image and reputation, and they will win.

How come it is not ok to mock anyone and it becomes ok to make fun of a prophet? Why do courts accept cases when people sue for defamation and it becomes immature when a whole lot of people find it outrageous to ridicule their prophet; the very symbol of their deep faith?

I previously posted that I am against boycotting and I still am, because I believe that this is not the right way to respond to what happened. A lot are arguing that to each action there must be a reaction, but I say that we should respond in a civilized manner and not be taken by rage or anger.

Sure, we all got offended by the cartoons; they were an insult to all religions and to freedom of speech concept itself, and since they are defending their freedom of speech, then they should accept and respect our right to respond.
 

It is really sad how it is spreading and moving from one country to another and it is even more tragic that more people are increasing the amount of insults and ridicule only to prove a point that freedom of speech is a sacred right. Well, protecting our reputation and our prophet's image is also a sacred right and those two rights should not conflict. It all can be solved by each respecting the other and understanding that your freedom range stops the minute you trespass another freedom range; only common sense!!

Don't boycott them, teach them why it is wrong in the first place ... Isn't that what we are supposed to do as Muslims? To increase awareness about our religion and our prophet? Did we do that?

Hmmm … let me see! My friend sk8erboi tagged me again but with a nice twist this time, so I am not going to disappoint him so here you go:

Four jobs I've had:

1-       Mechanical Engineer

2-       Area Sales Manager

3-       Human Resources & Administration Manager

4-       Online Advertising Sales & Marketing Manager

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1-       A Knight's Tale

2-       Butterfly Effect

3-       Jurassic Park I, II & III

4-       50 First Dates

Four places I have lived:

1-       Jordan

2-       Kuwait

3-       UAE – Dubai

4-       Who knows?

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1-       CSI

2-       LOST

3-       Medium

4-       Desperate Housewives

Four places I have been on vacation:

1-       Jordan – Aqaba

2-       Egypt – Cairo

3-       Lebanon – Beirut

4-       UAE – Dubai

Four blogs I visit daily:

Actually; I don’t have a schedule … of course I visit Jeeran Blogs on daily basis and I visit Jordan Planet, and I follow the latest posts, read what interests me and sometimes comment on them.

Four favorite foods:

1-       Cheese and more cheese

2-       Eggs

3-       Spinach

4-       Fruits of all kinds, shapes and colors

Four places I'd rather be:

1-       Home

2-       Beach

3-       The Country

4-       Illinois to visit my brother and see my nephews

Four albums I love:

1-       Let's Talk About Love: Celine Dion

2-       A New Day Has Come: Celine Dion

3-       Love Songs: Julio Iglesias

4-       Tribute: Yanni

Four vehicles I've owned:

1-       Metro Austin - light blue

2-       KIA Avilla Delta -  white

3-       Toyota RAV4 - black

4-       KIA Rio - white

Four people I pass the chain to:

1-       Fadi K

2-       Ramroom

3-       Ohoud

4-       Salam

Ok sk8erboi, I hope you are satisfied now  :D