I was not going to mention this on my blog because since morning; only a couple of friends remembered that it is my Birthday today and one of them was so kind as to post about it, thank you Ramroom. Not even family members recognized the date which was expected, I guess!

What I did not know till an hour ago, that all my colleagues in Jeeran were planning a surprise party for me when I did not even know that they were aware of the BD thing!

Not only they invited me for lunch, but everyone was there and they have even brought me a cake and gave me a BD card that held all their kind wishes and signatures; frankly; I did not see this coming!

Thank you Jeeran team for making this day special, memorable and enjoyable!!  

This is a title of a featured article in VIVA Magazine for March issue. The author of the article is discussing the emerging phenomenon into our society that is becoming more lenient and is tolerating the idea of dating and adults being their own matchmakers.

I liked the ideas presented in the article because this evolution is bound to happen. One of the things mentioned is that the idea of dating is not a new one; for many generations now; men and women have been dating and establishing long relationships before marriage, although secretly. What is important now though; is when and how to bring this forward and have these relationships in the open?

It makes me wonder if our parents and the older generation would be accepting to this idea, and how willing are they to embrace it and allow their adult children to act on their own and find their matches through dating, socializing and mingling with the opposite sex in open and honest contexts.

The author met and discussed this concept with many people and got some very interesting feedback; it seems that more people are becoming accepting to the idea and are willing to embrace it in their lives in order to find the right person that they will spend the rest of their lives with.

However; she points out that although dating has a positive impact in the society, it is not risk free at all. For starters; the double standards ruling our community where men get away with things that they judge their women peers for. Applying this to the dating game; a man can go out on as many dates; has many relationships before he is ready to settle down, but when he is ready; he goes after someone who does not date or whom he met in a family gathering or something of the sort. Of course; this does not apply to all men in our community, but it certainly is the norm.

By chance; the magazine features another article by a bachelor who is defending the dating game saying that it has become a need in our society; people are getting married at a later age than before and they only have one shot at marriage, so, dating became necessary for them to understand themselves and what they want in their future spouses. He also points out that some men do abuse this freedom by dating many women and dumping them along the way till he is ready, and when he is finally ready to marry; he will go for someone with a pristine past because reputable girls don’t date. I have to wonder here is this is not an excuse more than a learning curve for the man to play around and keep himself busy till he is ready to tie the knot.

Going back to the article subject of this post; the author also points out a downside for the dating social system, which is the emotional side. When you embrace the concept of dating; you are putting yourself and your feelings on the line and you will be susceptible to get heartbroken, especially if you fall in love with that person or in the least get attached to them.

Breaking up can cause so much heartache and pain; if you are not ready to accept all the possibilities, you are in trouble.

Another issue comes to mind here; what are the guidelines and rules of dating? How do you meet each other and where? Do you go out on real dates or you prefer group gatherings? When do you consider yourself exclusive or going steady with someone? How do you announce it to the people around you? If you ever breakup, do you continue seeing each other in the social circles you are used to, or do you stay away from the whole scene? Are we mature enough to take in this whole dating system and accept it with all its good and bad sides?

As for me, I do not consider it wrong for two people to get to know each other before they start thinking of marriage; however; being in our society and culture, I cannot but wonder if this is even possible. I know for a fact that my parents will not be accepting for the whole idea. Of course I have been in relationships before, and I never hid them as well. I had clashes with my parents about this, but we finally reached an understanding that this is my life and as long as I am not doing anything wrong, then they have nothing to worry about; so far, this is working just fine although I am not a solid believer in the integrity of men in our community, well, not anymore anyway! No offense guys!!

In conclusion; this article by Laura Haddad is a must read; it sheds light on an urgent matter of this emerging phenomenon that is forcing itself in our society whether we like it or not. I must say here: VIVA Magazine Rocks!

So we all were tagged by Hareega; he simply copied and pasted the JP list of citizens to include all in it. He stated in his post that his tag questions might be perceived as perverted while his sole objective was to end the tagging craze.  

Frankly; I found this tag to be humorous and in no way offending; otherwise I wouldn't have engaged in it and answered it publicly which caused some of my readers to get angry and send me some comments expressing their anger and disappointment.

As a sign of respect to their opinions; I removed the post and sent them an apology; however; I don't feel that I did something outrageous and to be honest; I am not quite sure as to why they got offended in the first place??!

I saw this tag dare funny; it is not a crime to make fun of ourselves every once in a while and not take ourselves too seriously. The questions were daring; I can't deny that, but in no way I found them offending religiously or anything … so lighten up guys and consider this a break from all the seriousness around us!

This is my opinion only; and I do apologize for those who do not share it. I always speak my mind and defend my beliefs, so I think that some have overreacted on something that could have been brushed off as a light hearted fun, or oops; I forgot that we are not allowed to have some fun!!!

I am not quite sure if this is a phenomenon in the Arab world or that it is a normal thing that men did since ages; all I know is that this is really strange and certainly needs some focus.  

Most Arab men marry for the wrong reason and at the wrong time, however; they don’t realize that they turned their life around by taking a decision when they were not in the least ready for it and its consequences. He wakes up one day to find that he is married to a woman that he does not love and a load of responsibilities lie on his shoulders; not only that, but he is the sole provider for the whole bunch.

Somewhere along the way to this point; he has lost the connection to the woman that he chose to be his lifetime partner; that is assuming he had one to begin with. He realizes that he cannot talk to her or share with her concerns that fill his mind on daily basis; routine kills all initiatives he might have to make life exciting one more time.

Married couples in our part of the world see marriage as the end of freedom and fun, and the beginning of a life full of responsibilities and work load that never ends. He has to provide for the welfare of the whole family as he is the protector. On the other hand, she has responsibilities of her own; the house, the kids and many other duties that fill her days. They fail to recognize marriage as a start rather than an end, and instead of merging their lives into one, each goes on living his/her life separately leaving their common interests or sharing points to be limited to duties that marital life forces on them.

When boredom hits them real hard, they start looking for an escape or a way out to vent and feel alive one more time. Since our society is male dominated no doubt, and since men in our community get away with almost anything; they seek friendship from the opposite sex, convincing themselves and their friends that it is very innocent and it will not hurt anyone; they just need this friendship, hence; the phenomenon of married men with girlfriends.

I have come across many of those; and I always ask them why can't they be their wives' friends? Why do they not include their wives in their social circles? Why do they not introduce this so called girlfriend to their wives if it was as innocent as they claim? Why do they need a girlfriend to begin with? Do they think that there is no solution to the situation they have? Lots of questions and they almost always have no convincing answers. Most of the ones I discussed this with; they say that their wives do not understand them and that there is nothing in common between the, they made a mistake when they married them and now that they have kids, they are staying with the wife because of the kids, blah blah blah

I am not against friendship in the concept; but I never feel comfortable when some married guys want to take a casual acquaintance to another level of exclusive friendship, claiming that the wife does not understand them and that they need someone who does. The problem is that they don’t understand this as respect for the woman who is in the dark on all of this, but they take it as a sign of playing hard to get in the hopes of having something more than a friendship.

Women in our community tend to take their marriages and husbands for granted; and when finally the man breaks free; she starts complaining and blaming her bad luck on the jerk of a husband she ended up with, but the reality is that she played as much of a role in destroying the bond as he did. Once she gets married, she stops paying attention to herself like she did before, she dresses up to go out but not for her husband, make up and perfume are for occasions and not for calm evenings with the man of the house. When she talks to him it is almost always about problems they are facing, or about his family, i.e. his mother, or about the kids and what they need; she does not discuss his work with him or even put the effort to share his concerns with him.

Let's face it ladies; we bare the responsibility of this one! Men need a lot more than a clean house, clean clothes, food, etc. Men need partners to go through the hardships of life; they need to discuss politics, football, news, stocks and everything that interests them, and if he cannot find this at home, he will look elsewhere, so you better work on your conversational skills, become your husband's best friend and relief him of the guilt that he has to live with when he takes a girlfriend that speaks to his mind.

Who doesn't know Amina from the famous novel by Najib Mahfouz; Qasr El Shoq? This great novel talks about the life of an Egyptian family during occupation years. It tells the story of a tough man "Sayed Ahmad" who was ruling his household with great cruelty and force; Amina was his wife.

We saw how this powerful feared man used to live two separate lives with two completely different women. First woman was his simple wife, Amina. She obeyed him or one can say that she worshipped him, taking everything he says as an order that she must follow religiously. She never ate in front of him, instead; she stood beside the table waiting for his instructions. She never looked at him when he gave her the orders; she kept her eyes on the ground. Going out of the house was out of the question; she was only allowed to visit her mother with previous permission from him. She dedicated her time to keep him happy and made sure that he has everything he needed at any point of time.

Second woman was the famous artist and belly dancer Zbaida. She was quite the opposite of Amina; she was the naughty playful female, who makes a living from entertaining men. She was the mistress of this powerful man; he lived with her a secret life full of fantasies and wild nights. He led these two lives separately and made sure that they did not mix in any way.

Mahfouz gave us two extreme representations of women in the Arab World, moreover; he showed us how the same man treated this extremely different to because of the double standards that the Arab man was drowning in at that time.

This story took place in the thirties, but I can't help but think that nothing much has changed ever since. We still have Amina's and Zbaida's and the double standards still rule to date.

A couple of days ago, I posted about this issue and got very interesting comments from my dear readers. Some blamed women of the Arab World on men's double standard attitude, some blamed men and the rest blamed both. Reading the comments on that post made me think of this great work of Mahfouz's; it made me think of the huge inheritance that reached us from our great grandfathers and grandmothers, and I can't help but believe that each Arab man has "Si El Sayyed" inside him and each Arab woman has both "Amina" and "Zbaida" inside her struggling for one of them to emerge to the surface and dominate the other.

Moderate women of today have somewhat gained control over their Amina, however; more often than not; when Si El Sayyed emerges to the surface in their men; Amina takes over and becomes in control. It perplexes me how men in our Arab World live the two personalities and master their roles with an Oscar performance.

We witness many examples of the double standards in our community and we don’t know when or how this will end. One guy goes out with girls, loves them and become loved by them, takes them out and gets them gifts. With his girlfriend; he is Romeo, showers her with love words and makes sure she is always happy. Same guy goes home and bullies his sisters, orders them around, never shows them any love or respect and dare one of them get herself a boyfriend and practice the same rights her brother gave to himself or the community gave to him because he is a guy. If she is discovered; hell breaks loose and she can lose her life in the process because her honorable brother could not handle the shame she brought upon him and the family.

Our community gives men the right to do whatever they like and the lame explanation is that they are men and they will not be affected by these relationships. Just because it does not have any apparent effects on a man to lose virginity or get pregnant, God forbid, the community gives him a green light to indulge in taboo things that are not even allowed to be discussed. What makes things worse is that when he is discovered; no one looks at it as a shameful thing; rather it becomes a need and men have needs, right?

Same community forces reasonable and unreasonable restraints on girls suppressing them and depriving them from their freedom to choose. We see girls resorting to lying and going around the rules to practice their rights in life.

Before I get accused of encouraging girls to have forbidden relationships; let me make it clear that not all girls in our society are after this particular right; believe it or not; we think in a complete different manner than men. What is the core issue of this post is the deprivation of the right to choose, and the right to live a normal life that is free from lies and fear. Why can't men accept the women in their families are humans and have the right to choose the way they want to live? Why don’t they encourage them to lead their lives freely and in the open where they can supervise and give advice? Why do they force them to resort to lying and deceiving them?

Women bare a large part of the responsibility in this situation; she is the one raising the man and teaching him how to deal with women starting from home. If she teaches him that his sisters have feelings and should not act as his servants just because they are girls, he will start having a deep respect to the woman as a woman. If the father respects his wife and gives her a special rank in the family; children will grow to understand that this is a partnership and that it is not a master – slave relationship where the woman is the slave for the mere fact that she is a woman. So, for all the mothers and fathers out there; stop treating your sons as Gods and your daughters as slaves, instead; treat them as humans who are equal regardless of gender so that they would have deep respect to each other.

In past times; women did not go out of their housed to work side by side with the man, she did not have to participate in providing for the household, she did not have to be a super woman who divides herself between rules of working woman, wife, mother and housekeeper. She did not have to struggle 24/7 to raise her kids and teach them right from wrong. She did not have to be the prime bread provider for the house in many cases, and yet what shocks me is that men still insist to be treated as masters, they still want to be kings of the house.

Bottom line is that some women have evolved and grown, they know their rights and more importantly know how to get them, they no longer accept to be slaves and they chose to kill Amina once and for all, they got rid of the fear and they are honest with themselves and their surroundings. The question is; are men afraid of such women? Do they choose Amina over this woman or does he find pleasure in transforming this woman into Amina using his authority given to him by God and community? What is it with you guys that makes you scared of giving women some freedom and empower them to take their own decisions?

I wish that as many guys participate in this discussion to help us all understand what they want.

1- Check the link

2- Answer the questions

3- Copy and paste the results J

Here are mine :

What is your Japanese Name?

Yumi Watanabe

What's your Blogging Personality?

How Open Minded Are You?

RESULT


You are 56% Open Minded
You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

What Pattern is your Brain?

RESULT

Your Brain's Pattern:
Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

RESULT


Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

RESULTS

The Movie of Your Life is a Black Comedy
In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.

Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

 What Age Do You Act?

RESULTS

You Are 27 Years Old

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

 What Type of Weather Are You?

RESULTS

You are Lightening
Beautiful yet dangerous
People will stop and watch you when you appear
Even though you're capable of random violence

You are best known for: your power

Your dominant state: performing

Am I classified as a feminist when I say that there is a missing link between women and men in the Arab World? Is it too much to say that we speak different languages? Who is to blame for the current unspoken revolution that we are witnessing? Who is responsible; men or women?

I was watching an interview with a famous Arab actor a while ago; he was asked about the time he spent in the UK and his relationships with women at the time. His answers were very interesting and for the first time ever, I hear such honest answers and point of view.

He said that he was afraid to start a relationship with a foreign woman because his biggest fear was to be misunderstood for the ignorant Middle Eastern man who only sees physical aspects of women. Even when he started a relationship with an English woman; he compromised a lot because he did not want her to think that he was barbaric and uncivilized. He did and accepted things he would never have if he were with an Arab woman. 

As honest as this point of view may seem; it makes me think more about the double standards that our Arab men adopt in their lives. They are something when they are with their women in their own world and they become something totally different when they are dealing with women from the outer world. What makes this even sadder is that they do it out of selfishness; no offense to all guys out there, but you are doing it to be perceived as civilized by these women, and you give them your respect to the extent of doing everything you can to achieve an image you drew in your imagination, yet you don’t do the same with women from your own world because your community gives you such power, and in your heart; you don’t feel the need to prove anything to the Arab woman because she is lucky just to have you!

It makes sense now why Arab men don’t like strong women and prefer the woman who sees the world through their eyes; one that does not object and agrees to everything that they say. It makes sense now that a man lives his single life to the full and when he is thirty something or forty something and is finally ready to get married; he does not pursue a woman who is close to his age; or even from his generation, rather; he goes after a woman young enough to be his daughter and convinces himself that this is a fit marriage.

Why are they so afraid? What makes them think that such a young girl would have anything in common with them? Why do they respect the foreign woman and do their best to make her see them as civilized individuals yet they don’t do the same with Arab women?

I am an advocate for communication and I always say that it takes two to make the relationship fail or succeed, and I don’t like generalizations; I believe that exceptions of today will be the rules of tomorrow and that our children will not go through the same things that we went through. We are paving the roads for them to live easier lives.

Life itself is evolving rapidly and if we don’t keep up with it, we will not find a place in it for us. Change is always good as long as we take its positive side and learn from its negative one, but it does not make sense to hold on to old thoughts and say that they are a part of tradition and that we should accept them as they are without attempting to make them fit the life of today. It is a good thing to know about our cultures and traditions, and define the boundaries according to current life changes, as we cannot go by the same standards that our ancestors drew for themselves; time changed and more importantly; we did. I would like to believe that we are more sophisticated and knowledgeable, and that we are ready to take on new challenges in our lives.

The way I see it is that if we do not start accepting and customizing new changes in our lives; we will be left out and find ourselves on the sidewalks as life passes by and leaves us behind. It is much better to accept these changes and imbed them in our culture drawing some limits and boundaries to keep the Arab identity, than to be forced to take it or leave it.

To Arab men I say: meet us half way and respect us as peers and partners so that we can have decent fruitful communications and lives; help us understand your uniqueness and individuality as you do the same exact thing with us. There are fantastic people out there who can be great couples that will lead the future, but only if we adopted positive change in our lives.

As usual; your opinions are the sole purpose I blog; so please be generous and share your thoughts with everyone!

I am finally able to put my personal touch on the template I am using for my blog, and my Mind had a makeover using Jeeran's great CSS tool!!

I just took my time to go through it and do some changes here and there. Even though I am not a tech guru and have no HTML solid knowledge; I was still able to do some changes and come up with something that is a bit closer to me and my Mind.

I would love your feedback on this new look and all suggestions are welcome!

Blogging revolution is on the rise and there is no telling when it will calm down if ever. Blogs have given individuals a power that they lacked and craved until only recently.

The way I see it; is that the media history will be classified as pre-blogs and post-blogs phases or eras.

Pre-blogs was a phase where we had assigned individuals with the sole responsibility of communicating with the media and providing them with well revised content that was compatible with all laws and policies available. These contents did not necessarily reflect the ideas of their own writers and editors, rather; they reflected the ideas of the general policy of the entity as a whole.

Some journalists were really brave to speak out their minds and outline their opinions about events or policies in countries or regions or the world for that matter, and they were marked for doing so either positively or negatively, and many of them dealt with consequences of such markings.

Post-blogs is a revolution that the whole world is experiencing and many of us are taking part of this completely different approach to media and communication and on a large scale that extends to be global.

Internet brought down all the boundaries and barriers that crippled communication and interaction between worlds and civilizations, but there was a missing link to all this great new technology; the media was not reaching the people. Blogs however; have completed the cycle and provided the missing link in this rapidly growing means of communication and now utilizing the power of blogs, real people are reaching their peers from different civilizations, backgrounds, locations, etc.

Bit by bit; the gaps that used to exist and being bridged and exposure to new things is always the controlling factor in the wonderful journey that we are taking part in.

As the power of blogs is continuously on the rise; corporations are beginning to realize how important it is to reach their customers and consumers through this genuine method, and what makes it even more interesting is that they can conduct researches and run surveys to get consumers' feedback on their products or services in an easier, faster and less costly methods.

The question here is that: are corporations in the Arab world ready for such a leap?

What makes blogs so famous and sought by readers from different ranks of life, is that they give a more genuine and personal perspective about the content provided. So, when I visit a blog and read the content about anything provided there; I already have the pervious assumption that this information is credible and trusted, which brings me to the next question: are corporations in the Arab World ready to place a credible blogger that will list their negatives as well as their positives?

A friend of mine sent me a great article about this issue and the writer focuses on the credibility of provided information, as false information is easily spotted and marked by readers and other bloggers and if a corporation was caught in the fatal act of misleading the audience; this is what is called: "Death by Blog".

Should a blogger be appointed to maintain the corporate blog; he/she must be brave and credible enough to provide the audience with trusted content that will promote the credibility of the corporation as a whole. But are Arab corporations ready to give such power to one of their people? Are they willing to trust someone that much and stand accountable for their own mistakes and talk about them before anyone else does?

The way I see it; we still have a long way to reach this stage, as blogging as a concept is still taking the baby steps in the Arab World, and not until it is all grown up and strong that we will see such transparency and accountability provided by our corporations be them in government or private sectors. The mentality behind these organizations is what governs the attitudes of their representatives, and no one wants to be the scapegoat and initiate this concept. Even if someone was bold enough to take such a step; he/she will be risking getting the pink slip from the company they work for and represent, hence; they stay in the shadow, at least for the time being.

What these corporations (or those behind them) don’t get is that nothing would give them more credibility than to humanize their brands and give them a face that people can relate to and communicate with, but they are still afraid of the power that they might be giving away by doing so, and overlooking the humungous benefits they would reap if they gave such empowerment and acted as proactive leaders.

She is really leaving, and we only have a few days left with her to share for the last time what it feels to be sisters in the same household; fighting on who gets to shower first or what show to watch on TV, or why she never returns the stuff she takes from my room, and now she is preparing to leave and I am finally realizing how much I will miss her.

I still remember the day she was born; all I knew is that I had a new baby sister. She was an angel that added flavor to our routine life at the time. From that moment on; I became her babysitter, her protector, her everything.

I remember all the times I took her out to play and all the times that I was there for her when she needed someone or when she hurt herself, or when someone hurt her. She used to turn to me giving me a sense of deep responsibility and attachment towards her and her whole life.

I watched her grow and become more beautiful; I really don’t know how the years passed by so quickly and all of a sudden, she was no longer my baby sister; she is a grown woman who is set on her way to start a new life on her own.

On her wedding day; I felt like her mother not her sister; I was always like a guardian to her and she was being taken away to be on her own. I think I understood then how parents feel when they are forced to let go of their children and here I am; forced to let go of her as she prepares to leave not only our house, but the whole country.

Suddenly; there isn't enough time to hang out with her and the sense of loss is sinking in very quickly. I am imagining the house without her presence and it does not feel good, she is really going away and her room will be clod and empty. 

I realize that there comes a point when each is of us will be on their way to start a new life with a partner that they love and care for, but we are closing a mutual phase to enter separate ones. We will no longer hang out like we used to do, and she will not come to me when she needs to talk, because she is leaving the country to be with the man she chose to be her husband.

Suddenly; I want the life clock to stop working and spare me some time with my sweet little sister who has become a woman overnight.

Nothing in the world can help us prepare for the moment that we will finally say goodbye, and just watch her leave. Words, tears and heartache are not enough to will never express the true feelings that are buried inside because we want her to leave with an open heart and look forward to the shared happiness and stability of a good marriage with a good guy.

To my beloved sister; you have always been and will continue to be a part of my heart, and I wish all the luck in the world to be on your side. I wish you and your husband a good happy life that is full of good fortune and future.

You are now going into a new era of your life, one that will be sometimes tough and sometimes good. My advice to you is to be always moderate and not expect life to always be a journey over the rainbow; some days will be good but some other days will be bad, so take enough of the good fortunate days to help you take and get through the bad ones.

Even though we are saying goodbye now, we will always be together and share wonderful memories and moments that no one else can take away, make these memories your resort that you go back to whenever you miss us or feel like you want to take a piece of the past and plant it to give you roses for the future.

It will never be the same and as hard as it is to set you free and watch you leave, with all the love we have for you in our hearts, we wish you the best of luck for your life and future, May God bless you and always guide you in your life.

I have just finished a great book about practicing personal accountability at work and life; this book is called "QBQ!", and to translate this acronym; it stands for: Question Behind the Question!

I enjoyed reading this book a lot because it is not your ordinary self help book that takes you through pages and pages of explanations and examples of how we should do this or that and how it would affect our attitudes and lives to change what we are doing and so on and so forth.

This book is digestible that I finished it in a few days. The author takes you in a lovely journey of discoveries within yourself that lead you at the end of it to grasp the concept and believe that it will truly affect your behavior, attitude and life in general.

One of the things that I liked about this book is that it is written in a very simple language and without unnecessary long paragraphs. Each chapter is 2 or 3 pages; concise and right to the point.

The most important thing I learned is that the questions we often ask ourselves are as important as the way we ask them and what words we pick to include in them as these words are an indication of something deeper than the surface.

Questions like: why me? Who did this? When are we going to get proper assistance? Are questions of blame and dependency and instead of asking these questions in any situation we face, be it in our work or personal life; we should switch to questions that give us power over any of these situations. Such questions should start with "What" or "How", and they should contain the pronoun "I" and have an action verb that urges us to take action proactively and claim the responsibility to ourselves. This is what we call "Personal Accountability".

Listing some of the bad questions we usually find ourselves asking; and ones that we should adopt instead: (BQ = Bad Question, GQ = Good Question)

In Customer care:

BQ: Why does the customer expect so much?

GQ: How can I serve them?

In Sales:

BQ: Why won't the customer call me back?

GQ: How can I add value for my customers?

In Management:

BQ: Why aren't my team members motivated?

GQ: What can I do to better understand each person on the team?

In Executive:

BQ: When are they going to catch the vision?

GQ: How can I be a better leader?

The Front Line:

BQ: Why do we have to go through all this change?

GQ: How can I adapt to the changing environment?

In Marketing:

BQ: When will the salespeople deliver our program?

GQ: What can I do to understand the sales reps' frustration?

In Parenthood:

BQ: When is my child going to listen to me?

GQ: What can I do to improve my parenting skills?

Teenager:

BQ: When are my parents going to get it?

GQ: What can I do to communicate more effectively?

Spouse:

BQ: When will she appreciate me more?

GQ: What can I do to help her out?

The list goes on and on and I think you get the picture now as to how to implement this in your own lives. The point is that the choice is really ours to make, we can decide and choose our attitudes and reactions towards everything that takes place in our lives. So take a moment and ask yourself; how willing are you to get out of your dependency shell and take responsibility once and for all? Are you ready to become accountable for everything you say or do? Are you ready to work on yourself and those around you to grasp and adopt personal accountability?

If you answer these questions positively; then don't wait and take action to make it happen. If you answered negatively; then maybe it is time for you to start a journey within your soul to determine when and how you are going to start the new path towards becoming accountable.

My dear friend Ramroom tagged me one more time and I will get right to it!

Q: WHOS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
A: Roba Al 3asi

Q: WHATS YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
A: La Tortura, Shakira

Q: WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
A: Reading

Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY
A: Hi Khalidah, sorry I was …

Q: WHOSE BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT?
A: Mine 

Q: WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A: Maroon

Q: MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
A: Memoirs of a Geisha

Q: NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES?
A: Mobile, Petty Cash, Higeen

Q: WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
A: Blue and yellow

Q: HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
A: JD 65

Q: What is your favorite part of the chicken?
A: leg 

Q: What's your favorite town/city?
A: Amman, Amman and Amman

Q:I can't wait to (til)...?
A: Have my own business

Q: When was the last time you saw your mom?
A: 10 minutes ago

Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: 10 minutes ago

Q: When was the last time you talked to them?
A: 10 minutes ago

Q: What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
A: Magloobeh

Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: 5 months

Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: My pillow

Q: Who is the last person you spent over $50 on?
A: My sister

Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A: I don't borrow clothes

Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: Jeeran, Jordan Planet & toot

Q: Do you have an air freshener in your car?
A: Yes, but I need a new one

Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: No

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: Yes, my lip

Q: What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
A: Amman

Q: Do you own a camera phone?
A: yes

Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: I don’t go to Starbucks

Q: Recent time you were really upset?
A: Last week

Q: Have you been in love with anyone?
A: You bet

As soldiers of life, we live and die in a continuous struggle to discover our true identities and take our special ranks that God created us for. From the moment we are born till the moment we did, there is no moment to waste and we need to keep energizing ourselves to reach our goals.

These goals are set according to the stage that we are in, and the effort should be compatible with the goal in order to overcome hurdles and obstacles to reach there safely and victoriously.

From the early childhood days, the goals kept evolving as we grew older; first it was to raise our heads from the lying position, then to crawl, and after that to walk, and then run, etc. We fell and hurt ourselves many times but this never stopped us from trying to achieve the goal set for us.

As we gained more physical ability; we started to gain mental power to differentiate between good things and bad things, and we knew what goes with our surroundings and what does not. We knew what is acceptable and what is rejected, and our inner feelings and intuition always aided us to make the right choice.

As we grew older; we started to recognize new things in ourselves; feelings and emotions. These new motivators pushed us toward certain things or people and alienated us from others. We learned how to love and how to hate, and between love and hate; we learned how to be jealous, bitter, giving, forgiving, forgetting, sacrificing, etc.

We learned that in order to keep and nurture what we want and love; we need to fight for it, and make sure that no one else comes along and snatches it from us; so we were introduced to a new concept and that is to fight people like us to stop them from threatening our peace that we have struggled and worked so hard to achieve.

The problem with all this is when these feelings begin to mix and confuse us, and sometimes we reach a point where we are committing the act for the sake of doing so and not because there is a real need for it. The real danger is when this act becomes a habit and a second nature to us and we can no longer choose to do it or not do it, because we let it take over our judgment and shut the sound of reason.

It is quite understood when you are fighting for what is rightfully yours and for your inner and outer peace, but you have to be very careful as to whom you are fighting. Sometimes; we alienate close people because our judgment has been shadowed by the nature that we have unconsciously adopted along the years.

Some people adore the role of the victim in their lives and those of their beloved family members, and they become experts in the blame game. They blame everything and everyone in their live for their bad luck and misfortune. These people are the worst abusers of others affection and love; they turn life into a battlefield that never has a truce. There is always someone out there to get them, people around them don’t love them, or they are just jealous and that’s why they keep trying to trap them and drive them into trouble. Nothing is ever enough with this type and no matter what you do, you will always miss something and you never get it right.

These people start fighting everyone around them, even those who are trying to help them, and the funny thing is that I realized that those people who like victimizing themselves over and over; are the most selfish type out there because they always crave being the center of attention even if this means subjecting themselves to everyone's pity.

You can recognize this type when you see them always complaining, always have something to bitch about, all the random events in their surroundings were meant for them and against them. They never take responsibility for their actions because according to them; they have always been forced to do everything. They adopt this "poor me" attitude and expect you to buy it and act on it; you have to show your support and direct involvement; otherwise; you will be accused of not loving them and for working against them.

To these people I say: you are fighting at the wrong front and no one will lose in the end but yourselves. People around you can tolerate and take your attitude for a certain period of time and then they are just fed up, and instead of pulling them closer by making them feel sorry for you; you drive them further away by doing so, and you will reach a point where you find yourself fighting alone at your front and the whole world had abandoned you and this time it is for real.

To the person who inspired this post and you should know yourself very well; change your attitude while we are still on your side; if you continue to victimize yourself like you always do and fight us because of demons living inside your head; you will wake up one day to realize that our ship has sailed and left you behind and there is no way that we will go back and subject ourselves to your continuous abuse. Wake up before it's too late!!

It never seizes to amaze me how isolated in our own worlds we are …

We are staying in the same house with people that we love and care for, we are eating with them and sit on the same couch, watch the same shows and yet, we don’t really know who these people are.

It is a phenomenon in our part of the world how disconnected we are. We are the most social communities; we visit our relatives and we share experiences, chit chats and news, but we do not share ourselves. We do all these things because we feel obliged and not because we want to.

A lot of couples wake up one day to realize that they are spending their lives with a complete stranger. They cannot be their true selves in front of the closest person to them and this is really sad.

They cannot express their true desires and inner thought because they fear being judged and misunderstood. We share an outer world where we are wearing masks, lots and lots of masks and each has its own purpose.

You wake up in the morning and before you even wash your face; you wear the first mask. This mask is supposed to hide worry, anger, exhaustion and complete confusion of life and future. You wear this mask because you don’t want those living with you to get a true feel of what you are thinking of or going through, because this will shake the stable chair they have comfortably seated themselves on, and you don’t want them to change their perception of you. They have always seen you in control and you don’t want that to change; not now.

As you reach work, it is time for the second mask. This one will give you the professional attitude as you need to be taken seriously by your colleagues, subordinates and superiors. You have to keep this mask on for the longest part of your day. It exhausts you but you cannot take it off because it is too risky to do so and people might get a peek at your vulnerabilities and take advantage of them and maybe use them against you.

During the day; you might need to put the happy mask when dealing with a client, or an amused mask when you are entertaining one. Mask after mask after mask and the game continue.

It seems that the only time you can be free of all the masks is when you are alone and that’s when you start talking to your inner self to make it feel that everything is ok. How lonely is that?

We do the very same things every single day and people around us think that they know us and can figure us out any time, and we might think the same about them, but the truth is, we don’t know each other and we don’t communicate, and the more we close ourselves to the world, the harder the communication gets, and then all of a sudden, we are faced with a cruel fact; we are strangers even to ourselves and the masks are even there in our solitude, and we no longer remember who we are, so we adopt the closest thing to our old self as we once knew it, and the masks become us and we become the masks.

When I realized that I am losing myself to the masks, I decided that I would never hide behind one, and that I will always say what's on my mind and how I feel, because keeping it inside would only make things worse and will not get me what I want in this life. If you want your family to understand how exhausted and overwhelmed you are; you just have to say something.

People's nature is to assume things according to what they see and feel from others; and they take things and other people for granted believing that once a bond is formed; it will last. But the truth is that anything in life needs nurturing and maintenance; if you don’t spend enough time and effort taking care of what you have; you will lose eventually.

Don’t believe that others know you; you have to make them know you by opening up and sharing yourself with them. Don’t assume that others know how you feel about them; you need to tell them. Don’t take for granted whatever you have; you might lose it in a blink of an eye while you are not the tiniest bit prepared.

Life is hard enough with all the help that we are getting from God and people; let's try to make it easier on ourselves and others by sharing, communicating and once and for all, dropping the masks and showing our true colors.